So I discovered a long forgotten blog today, as in haven't seen this is in 9 years. I've always had ambition to keep a blog but never the discipline or confidence to try. When I started this blog 9 years ago, I had one child and a very easy child at that. I wanted a fun way for family and friends who lived further away to be able to keep up with us. If you even care to scroll down to previous posts you can see lovely professional photography shots and cutesy little outings that I still had the time and energy to coordinate. I took it upon myself to update the profile picture of the blog today. This picture encapsulates what life is like almost a decade later....full, crazy, unedited, non-professional pictures because that is life right now. But this life is beautiful. The changes I have experienced in these 9 years have wrecked me in every way possible...and I needed it. I look at that young girl in those photos and I see selfish, immature, had absolutely no clue what she was doing (still don't) and pride in so many false things.
Silly as this sounds, it scares me to even post and share such a simple and silly post with others. I have felt very compelled to write off and on for years. Ten years ago I had all the passion but no real life experience outside of my little bubble, which makes for hollow and potentially harmful posts. I am glad God stayed my hand and prevented me from putting any kind of thoughts out in public. It's down right comical how much you think you know when you're in your early 20's and have been sheltered all of your life.
Life has certainly taught me a lot in recent years. Adding two more children, one biological and the other through adoption, homeschooling, church planting, mission trips, injuries, surgeries, illnesses, parenting through adoption and many other happenings have sent me through some of the toughest yet most refining moments of my life to this point. I have felt broken, depressed, insufficient and desperate for escape. I have also felt joy, what it feels like to truly depend on God alone, contentment and that peace that passes all understanding. God has grabbed my heart so tightly and taught me so much and I continue to learn through the good and bad.
I would love the opportunity to share what He lays on my heart from time to time. I'm no Jennie Allen or Lysa Terkeurst, a fact that has kept me from posting anything to this point, but I'm me and God walks us all through our own individual journeys to refine us and make us holy and I am thankful for that.
So for today, I leave you with an encouragement and moment of pause. Just as God reminded me of how far He has held my hand through the past decade, stop and consider the same in your own life. This past Sunday, our choir at church sang the song "Never Once". The lyrics of this song are so powerful when you stop and think about them....
Never once did we ever walk alone,
Never once did you leave us on our own,
You are faithful, God you are faithful.
You can listen to the song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1bXG4WIesA
Where can you see His hand as you look back?
Aren't you thankful that He is faithful?